We're quick to defend ourselves with "that wasn't my intention." But when was the last time you judged yourself by your actions instead of your intentions? Here's the truth: the people in your life can't see your intentions. They can only experience your actions.
This is the intention gap—the space between what we mean to do and what we actually do. It's in this gap where relationships fracture, trust erodes, and cultures crumble.

The asymmetry of judgment

We judge ourselves by our intentions, but others judge us by our actions.
This asymmetry creates a fundamental misalignment in how we navigate our relationships. When we hurt someone, we retreat to the safety of our good intentions, expecting understanding and forgiveness. But from their perspective, they've only experienced the impact of our behavior—not the purity of our motives.
Research shows this asymmetry isn't just a quirk—it's a cognitive bias that shapes our social world. We overestimate how transparent our intentions are to others while underestimating how our actions appear from the outside.

The autopilot problem

In today's rushed world, we've become intention-rich but action-poor. We move through life on autopilot, our cognitive bandwidth consumed by endless demands. This leads to a dangerous shortcut: we take mental credit for our good intentions without ensuring our actions match them. The problem isn't that we lack good intentions. Most people genuinely want to do right by others. The problem is that we've stopped pausing to align our behavior with those intentions.

From intention to impact

Intentions without aligned actions are just stories we tell ourselves to feel better. Consider how often a leader claims to value work-life balance while sending emails at midnight. Or how frequently we promise to be present with loved ones while reflexively checking our phones. These misalignments aren't character flaws—they're practice failures. We haven't developed the habits that translate our intentions into consistent behavior.

Let's examine the RISE principal of Respect

Respect isn't claimed—it's demonstrated through actions. Take boundaries as an example. When we set a boundary—like dedicated focus time or technology-free family dinner—we're creating a visible manifestation of our intentions. These boundaries are the bridge that connects what we believe to what we do. Without these concrete practices, our intentions remain invisible, and our impact remains unpredictable.

Making the invisible visible

The solution isn't complicated, but it requires intentional practice:

Name the intention: What values actually matter to you?
Create the boundary: What specific behaviors would demonstrate this intention?
Build the habit: How can you make this alignment automatic, even under pressure?
Invite accountability: How will you know when your actions and intentions are misaligned?

This isn't about perfection—it's about progression. The goal isn't to always get it right, but to minimize the gap between what you intend and what you do.

The shadow you cast

You can explain your intentions until you're blue in the face, but the shadow you cast is shaped by your actions.
You don't get to claim you're fair, trustworthy, or kind. Those virtues aren't meant to be claimed with words—they're meant to be earned with actions and recognised by others.
In the end, we're all trying to be better humans. Not better intenders, but better doers. Because the impact we have on others isn't measured by what we meant to do, but by what we actually did.
And in that space between intention and action is where our true character lives.